"human factor" (or lack thereof)

Sadly this is going to be a poor me and screw it all kinda blog. I am, or we are both looking for jobs cause we are struggling so bad. As I am filling out all these apps I am thinking to my self that it is ridiculous that you can not just go into an establishment, speak to a manager, ask for an app, fill it out, hand it in with your resume then call....! Why is it that we have to spend 30-55 min filling out some stupid ass assessment!?!? It isn't going to tell the employer anything really about you other than you know you have to pick "strongly agree" or "strongly disagree" in order for them to even browse our app. Cause god knows if you are truly honest about your availability or your view of yourself, your app wont even be pulled.
I am not really sure why it all has to be this way and after the third assessment today I am fucking fed up.. I know I need a job and I would like to find one that I love or can at least tolerate but damn!  Trying to decide if I "strongly agree" or "strongly disagree" that I am affected by stress is a JOKE. Cause hell yes I am. I am stressed as hell just by the question alone. Not to mention the fact that I have a one year old climbing on me and hitting the laptop, or climbing on the table with trying to answer the stupid ass question! I know that some people think that technology is helpful and is such a great advancement for the world but what about the "human factor"? (sadly I learned that word from a former employer explaining to me that they had none)
Human Factor... I think that we are all loosing sight of this and that we are so concerned with computers and numbers that, as customers, consumers and employees that is all we are. Numbers and money. We are no longer feelings and different situations as far as our families or different life styles go we just have to push all we are and all we have tried so hard to become aside to make sure that we bend over backwards for those numbers. I hate it!
I would love to find a job cleaning someones house so that I dont have to worry about the whole numbers and money thing. I can just go in and do what I need to do to make that person feel happy and some what relaxed when they get home then bring my money home to spend it on my kids. people helping people. I want that.

These days..

Thanks to piper I have challenged myself to try and stay up on this blog. So I thought that I would give a little update on my kids and how each one of them are growing and changing.

Emma at her schools opera.

Emma is growing to be a very smart, independent, and mouthy lil lady. She is really into girly things. She loves her friends and she loves to let them know that she thinks. I some times kick my self in the ass for teaching her to be so strong and independent. I know it will be in her best interest when she is older and having to deal with all the troubles life will throw her way, but sometimes I just want to be "mom". I don't want to, however, fight to be the Mom. I would like to have her see that the things I tell her are to benefit her and help her. I don't want her to think that I scold her cause I am mean.
I am really lucky that she is so into school. She surpasses all the set goals and creates new ones for herself. Her teachers always bump her to excelled programs in school and they almost seem to bore her lol. I think its awesome. I honestly don't know where she got that from but it makes me a proud mom.
She is also very into reading. Right before school ended she actually started to read the Harry Potter series. I was impressed. It was also really funny to hear her and Zach talk about the book when she had questions (hes a bit of a Harry Potter nerd). She will be going into 4th grade this year and I am in shock. this is all going to fast but I couldn't be more proud of the lady she is becoming.

Rece with his BBQ face.

Rece. What can I say about my rece. He is one of the sweetest and most soft spoken kids I know. He is a tenderhearted boy.  He loves to wrestle and hang out with his friends but is the first to be upset if he is left out. He loves cars and loves his baby brother Lukas. He will be going into 2nd grade and although he loves school he has a hard time focusing on the task at hand. He is really forgetful and sometimes falls behind from failure to communicate with me. He tries really hard to remember all that he is supposed to do and I know he will be a challenge but the sweetness in him is overwhelming. I actually got a call from him today and he was crying. They have been staying at their dads house the last few weeks and he apparently misses me a lot lol. I tried to reassure him that he will be here soon and to try to have as much fun while he was down there. He was laughing when I got off the phone with him. Still couldn't help but fill incredibly lucky to have such a sweet and loving boy.

Lukas and his yummy lollipop

Lukas. Hmm My little bear is a joy to watch grow. I am not sure if it is just cause he is my last but this little boy has a kindred spirit. He just turned 1 in April. He is beyond funny and such a boy! He is so destructive! He will throw stuff just cause he can and he is into sports equipment. He will find a ball anywhere, a softball, baseball, football, soccer ball, he loves bats and loves baseball hats. He is learning how to climb on things over things and through things... which has made moms job a little harder. I do have to admit that it is really funny when he finally gets over what ever he is climbing and looks over at me and says "YAY!" claps his hands and looks so proud of himself . He says a few words that you can understand but a lot that mommy knows. Some of which are Hi, more, please, milk. binks. uh oh, X, S, a sweet lil version of "quack" he says awe and ouch. He can wave and blow kisses. He will give kisses, hugs, and High fives. He loves to snack. A LOT! He actually seen a commercial on TV of a grilled cheese and soup and as it was playing he said "MMMM" I laughed. He really loves raisins, cheerios, and gold fish. He thinks that anything that you have is his and will sit down on the floor next to you the minute he sees you sit down with a plate of food. He is our fat boy for sure.

I can honestly say that I am the luckiest mom around. I have been blessed to experience three different personality types and three different sweet and kind spirits. I know that as they grow they will change and we will but heads and then mesh well. we are going to be able to create memories with each one of my babies adding some new kind of outlook on it. They are incredible and amazing children.

Be Kind

I was bummin around on pinterest and came across this photo. When I seen it I had this overwhelming feeling of love sadness and longing.
 I am in love with the man of my dreams and even though he and I are going through some rough times financially I couldn't imagine my life without him. Sometimes I think that I take for granted all the things that I have good in my life and sometimes I think i forget that not everyone has the love I have.
 I have friends that go through little spats with their spouse/significant other and I am very quick to say screw it. If they are treating you badly you need to defend yourself and tell them how its going to be. I, however, forget that they have a history. They have a past and hopes for a future. I have been there and stayed in a relationship for a long time in hopes that one day we would find our way back to each other but sadly it didn't work.
 So maybe I shouldn't be so quick to assume that I know what is best for the people I know. I do listen and I try to give the best advice I can but my thoughts should be more humble and understanding. Life has an incredible amount of battles and we should all be more open to others struggles and not judge so quickly.

Second Go of it

OK so this isn't my first attempt at a blog and I am not really sure I will stick with it but maybe with so much muck running through my head it will end up being the perfect outlet. I am not really sure who will be reading this if anyone at all but I must warn you. I may swear, and I may be extremely passionate and blunt about the things I ramble about. I have my own opinions and views on things in my life, as well as the world, and I am not one to sit quietly while things irritate me. If you do feel things on this blog are offensive to you feel free to comment. I may or may not respond. I don't feel that anything that I do or say in my life needs to be explained to anyone. I am my own person and I can honestly say that I can go to bed each night knowing that I am true to me. I believe that I am a good and honest person. I am a loyal friend, a devoted girl friend, and a very dedicated mom. I try to teach my children that there are consequences to every action and choice that you make so you should always try to avoid hurting people. More than anything though I am teaching them that it is beyond important to stay true to who they are and to be honest with themselves NO MATTER WHAT. You are the only one that can control your life and you are the only one that can make it what you want.

I lived a large part of my life telling myself "this is the life you chose" even though i was miserable. I finally woke up one day and decided that I wasn't going to live my life for everyone else. I was/am going to live it for me. I will be with someone that makes me happy and I will be ME. 

If do decide to follow or stop by my little rambling spot say hi and tell me about your self. I love to get to know new people and I love to hear stories about others especially moms. Makes me appreciate the things I do have in my life.